117 lines
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117 lines
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<div class="title">What I do when my mental health goes down <span class="date">[2024-10-22]</span></div>
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<p>
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I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 and Social Anxiety disorder when I was 17 years old. I remember when I was
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doing High school, the 2 years I did, my disorder became intense, and I succumbed to psychosis heavily. I
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remember that I could not wake up from my bed and particularly could not go outside of home. It is very hard to
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think about those happenings again now. I felt that everybody was acting against me and at one point I thought
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my mother was poisoning me with my food.
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<p>
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I’m very lucky, I got a treatment from a psychiatrist at the end of my 2nd year of high school. My mother
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noticed and took me for the treatment.
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</p>
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<p>
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We can name many disorders in a patient by doctors and till now to be honest I do not know whether I’m diagnosed
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correctly including the meds I’m taking continuously for the last 9 years. It does help to some extent where my
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mood swings are not very worse. The anxiety I have when I go outside is a bit tricky to handle though.
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</p>
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<p>
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Again, being on medications does help and ease certain things. And as always there are side-effects to this. My
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nerves seem to be getting weirder, and I’m noticing that my fingers start twitching now and then.
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</p>
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<p>
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But I worry less about this, and the reason is why below content.
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</p>
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<p>
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This is one part of me living with Mental health disorder and I know that this is certain that I cannot get a
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cure but that doesn’t mean that I cannot live. I will now come to the other part, which is a portion of mine, I
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see as a good thing, which is handling when I know when I get into it. Because I know when you are living with
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this sort of disorder for a longer period, you can predict and feel when you are down and depressed. In my case,
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I can do that, and I often be conscious about that. I never hesitate to share what I want to share with others,
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because there is nothing there to hide and nothing there that is non-universal. Everything has its own purpose.
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</p>
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<p>
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So, in those words I feel that life is not alone. Because I feel we are not alone here and after and more so, I
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can go ahead and say - the universe is not alone. Everything is an embodiment not one of either but both. There
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is both good and bad, there is both negativity and positivity, there is both silence and sound. Thus, there is
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both presence and absence. The presence when you are in the comfort of a person can also be felt in their
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absence if you seek it.
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</p>
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<p>
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I feel this understanding and it is there to move further and keep breathing, that I am not alone here and
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after. This is not just a thought that I keep motivating myself. I do not want to motivate and get motivated; I
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just want to live and walk the walk. If I do this, life will take care of it by itself. It is very simple, keep
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breathing. How worser can it get, I do not know – I just need to keep on breathing and that’s all.
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</p>
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<p>
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My master “Fr. Korko Moses” who is a Christian Priest but teaches from all the religious texts and embrace the
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self-experience of oneself. He is more of a seeker than a religious person I would say. He told me this
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quotation quite strongly when I was with him. He did not put God in it although the original quotation has it;
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maybe because he might have thought that we didn’t come to that point and likely our interactions were lasting
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only for few years till he became ill with Parkison and moved to a place farther away where I could not travel
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to see him up until this point neither speak with him on Phone because his voice had become weak and he is
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feeble. And the quotation is:
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</p>
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<p>
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“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom
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to know the difference”. It is <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer" target="_blank">here in
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detail</a>.
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</p>
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<p>
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This is a beautiful one and the trickier thing is the wisdom to see and understand the difference, particularly
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for a person with bipolar disorder, I would say.
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</p>
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<p>
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All those 3 things come through practice and practicing is what life is about. I take one step at a time:
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Acceptance is what when you realize that in life certain things are the way as it is. Courage is when I see that
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I can help make the difference in others’ lives and do it by helping; by sharing. Wisdom? I let it come by
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itself.
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</p>
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<p>
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The last thing I need to share here is “Training your mind”. There is a Tibetan traditional teaching called
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“Lojong”. It basically means, “Mind Training”. And I saw a speech online from one of the people who does this
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teaching. And that person is “Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo”, if I recall now – on all her sayings in the talk, she
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calls it and portrays the Mind training, a Jewel. And I say here and now that this is the Jewel I am seeking for
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by practicing and I hope you too!
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© Nirmal Kumar R. All original text, is licensed under a
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<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License</a>.
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